The prize of quietude...

Been a while since my serene and seemingly clear-headed friend insomnia has visited me. But my old familiar friend is back, leading me around the house, starting tasks that I should have done weeks ago and leaving them to be finished months later. It's amazing how much I have to do to achieve this quiet time. After a day of work, learning, running back and forth, it seems I have to earn the right to ignore the tyrannical call of sleep. Why should I give up the hours that rightfully belong to me? I've conquered the kids - their shifting and snores in their beds proves I won the fight over bedtime and successfully filled their day with enough activity to knock them out.

These chores that surround me? I'm thankful I have them to do, 'cause it means I was able to earn the money to have things to clean up and organize. Plus, it has become the one time I'm enveloped in my own activity. I mean, who's judging the color coordination of my hangers but me? No one, that's who. I am the master of my closet.

My musical choice, which is on repeat, is Jonathan Nelson's "My Name is Victory". It's a sleeper hit in Black gospel circles. I've gotten pretty good at predicting which songs will become hot in radio play long before they become popular. Perhaps that's because I listen for themes that encourage me when I'm not thinking about choirs or playing for church. If this song tells me at 3 AM that I'm a champion, can tell me that my identity is sown up in Christ even at my most mundane moments, I'm sure someone else can identify with the same sentiment.

As you can probably tell, this post is rambling such as my mind and my body is right now. The only 'deep' thought I am entertaining as a subject is the fact that as I near this 34th year of my life, I am treasuring even more the understanding that I've come through enough to realize I have one major purpose - to be everything God wants me to be and nothing He doesn't. I'm shifting into a more settled, but determined phase - where I expect the struggle to be more with being me than doing what people expect of me. Perhaps that's why these early morning moments have been mileposts in my daily life. Even though I know I'll pay for the sleepless night with groggy eyes and loss of focus tomorrow, I can remember each time I did so like it was yesterday. The night I was at Boy Scout camp, overlooking the lake at night with the moon as my nightlight in Northwestern Florida. The night in Dunkin Donuts, playing "Trusting God" over and over and writing what became my mission statement - Love of God, Love of Family, Love for Others.

Call it my Jacob moment, wrestling with the angels of desire, purpose, and destiny, shielding me from the silent but giant doubts and fears of success, failure, and the unknown. What makes this a prize? The fact that God, who is up anyway, has a bit of time with me to just watch me being me. He's nice like that - talking loud enough for me to hear, but not enough to wake up the kids. When I catch that 12 Pm nap and the kids wake me up, perhaps I'll be a little more ready to do something with the hours I've left myself - to be physically what I've become mentally and spiritually the night before.

Looking unto the hills,

acp

Misunderstanding + mis-vision = opposition

(Continuation of last post)

If there were so much understanding of the father's role in their children's lives, I would have lots of fathers in my fatherhood focus group on Saturday mornings at the church. When it was announced, the classes offered cash incentives and breakfast served, all for no cost to the participants. The program has been offered in Hispanic areas to great success. So, considering the considerable and consistent statistical knowledge of how needed African American fathers are, we should have had overflowing attendance in the class we offered, right?

Lucky guess. Actually, there were only two at last class. The others were Middle Eastern and Hispanic dads.

This is why I find opposition must be a result of misunderstanding and mis-vision. Misunderstanding in that the people against my homeschooling must not understand the main reasoning for my scheduling decision is to maximize my work efficiency, not to lower it. And mis-vision because they cannot see the priority of my choice in the context of what God has led me to understand about the role of the father.

In the Old Testament, there are very clear indications that the father is responsible for the worldview and training of the child in a very direct sense. There was no public school system, nor were mothers given the primary role of teacher. This of course is a generalization of thousands of verses, but it's obvious that Proverbs, for example, concentrates on the father - son relationship. When I realized that I was biblically responsible for my children's entire spiritual and mental formation, I realized that I could not, without further instructions from the Holy Spirit, release my children back to the public system. This led to my leaving teaching in elementary and homeschooling full time for one year.

Still, I understood upon taking the full time position at the church would strain both our family learning and my ability to work, I made sure to get permission from my pastor, and I discussed the implications for months before starting to take the kids to work.

Now, perhaps I am overreacting to outside comments that may amount to nothing. But this opposition has only strengthened my resolve. As long as anyone thinks that parenting is not the primary method for raising disciples to Christ, and stands in opposition to the most effective means of achieving that goal, I have work to do. I may not be able to correct all misunderstanding about why I do what I do; neither should I try to. But I can continue to show through my example and my expression that nothing should come before the satisfaction and education of my children. And I intend to do so.

Looking unto the hills,

acp

http://www.enfamiliamiami.org

Leaving legacies...

This morning we have several issues that may be facing our family. Summer is on the way, the kids have final projects and tests looming, Miki and I are debating financial decisions (what to do with money the government thinks we should spend - in other words, bail them out with the money they take from us - how apropo... ) but what's foremost on my mind is an unfortunate loss of a colleague in ministry by the name of Rev. English. I learned just today he was killed in a car accident last weekend. That shock was followed by the announcement that he would be buried out of town, and the memorial service had already taken place in Miami. In other words, there would be no paying of respects, no final viewing. He's gone and gone.

This gentleman was a musician in a local small church, and we ran into each other frequently in Baptist conventions and church engagements in central Miami. He was always gregarious, laughing, kind of the off - kilter uncle that talks a little too loud and leans in a little too close, but you know he can't help it. He also wasn't the most skilled musician, but he was always there at every function. Mostly though, he was almost overly impressed by my playing. That always made me feel good, even a little uncomfortable, knowing that an older musician looked up to me. I was even thinking of starting a church musician course with musicians like him in mind - people that have been faithful for years but never had adequate or continuous training in music theory or piano technique. In this way I hoped to give back to my forebears in church music while forging a new path. Now, it seems at least for one soldier, I waited a bit too long.

The point I take from this is that as the younger generation watches the older ones pass to reward, we must face the fact that we can't wait for our older days to come before beginning to forge our legacies. The way we deal with our elders is part of the legacy we leave - if it be kindness or neglect. In many respects our parents now look up to us. We have the advantage technologically, of course, and socially we may be more knowledgeable and understanding of relationship techniques and parenting skills, but they will always have the edge of knowing that life is longer and more complicated than we ever see at the present. Our elders have that sense of timelessness, of the principles that don't change with presidents or pundits, new preachers or popular TV shows. No, they are not perfect, but they've proven through lifetime experience that they don't have to be. And maybe we should take a clue from them, like I do from Rev. English, that being all God made you to be is the highest form of perfection one can hope to attain. May God add wings to the prayers for his family.

Looking unto the hills,

acp

What a day...

...and not just for me. I guess you can say we are "churched out" for today. We've spent a couple of days just relaxing and recovering from the week.

Friday was another great day at enrichment - I was able to volunteer in Naomi's ceramics class and help her to craft a clay bowl. They'll dry and fire them over the weekend and she'll be able to paint it next week. Saturday was spent trying to un-virus Christopher's computer...makes me even more wary about his computer time if he's downloading unfamiliar things... and preparing for Sunday Service. The kids have become "Brain Quest" fanatics - they spent all evening quizzing each other on factoids - which I can't say I object to. They could find many worse things to drive each other crazy with. Another plus was the arrival of Marcus' fraction overlays - in minutes we were practicing equivalent fractions, something that I couldn't do with my "homemade" versions. (Sometimes saving money is losing time!)

Oh yes, and we spent a lot of time watching "Travel Channel" - as a break during the day it's been nice to turn on the TV and watch "Passport to Europe w/ Samantha". She does a tour guide look at several European cities, which I promptly had the kids look up. While it wasn't a unit I was planning, it fits into our daily schedule and provides some independent study opportunities for the kids. The more they know about the world, the more they'll be able to function and relate to all the international news they hear from day to day.


Personally, I'm still working on that relaxation vs. procrastination thing - I know I need the rest today but it seems there's always a reason why I should be moving. Perhaps it's the fact that time is moving so fast. High School is now a distant memory at 15 years past, and college is quickly moving into the same place in the rear view mirror. So standing still sometimes feels like moving backward. I know there is so much to be accomplished, and yet I have to rely on bursts of energy and synergistic days where everything falls into place to feel like I got anything done. But maybe that's the way all of us have to operate - knowing that it's mostly 3 steps forward and two steps back - while realizing that progress has still been made.

I hope to connect with other homeschool dads in the near future. Feel free to write or comment on any entry - I'm always open to network and share with other fathers that are taking the lead in their children's future.


Looking unto the hills,
acp