The prize of quietude...

Been a while since my serene and seemingly clear-headed friend insomnia has visited me. But my old familiar friend is back, leading me around the house, starting tasks that I should have done weeks ago and leaving them to be finished months later. It's amazing how much I have to do to achieve this quiet time. After a day of work, learning, running back and forth, it seems I have to earn the right to ignore the tyrannical call of sleep. Why should I give up the hours that rightfully belong to me? I've conquered the kids - their shifting and snores in their beds proves I won the fight over bedtime and successfully filled their day with enough activity to knock them out.

These chores that surround me? I'm thankful I have them to do, 'cause it means I was able to earn the money to have things to clean up and organize. Plus, it has become the one time I'm enveloped in my own activity. I mean, who's judging the color coordination of my hangers but me? No one, that's who. I am the master of my closet.

My musical choice, which is on repeat, is Jonathan Nelson's "My Name is Victory". It's a sleeper hit in Black gospel circles. I've gotten pretty good at predicting which songs will become hot in radio play long before they become popular. Perhaps that's because I listen for themes that encourage me when I'm not thinking about choirs or playing for church. If this song tells me at 3 AM that I'm a champion, can tell me that my identity is sown up in Christ even at my most mundane moments, I'm sure someone else can identify with the same sentiment.

As you can probably tell, this post is rambling such as my mind and my body is right now. The only 'deep' thought I am entertaining as a subject is the fact that as I near this 34th year of my life, I am treasuring even more the understanding that I've come through enough to realize I have one major purpose - to be everything God wants me to be and nothing He doesn't. I'm shifting into a more settled, but determined phase - where I expect the struggle to be more with being me than doing what people expect of me. Perhaps that's why these early morning moments have been mileposts in my daily life. Even though I know I'll pay for the sleepless night with groggy eyes and loss of focus tomorrow, I can remember each time I did so like it was yesterday. The night I was at Boy Scout camp, overlooking the lake at night with the moon as my nightlight in Northwestern Florida. The night in Dunkin Donuts, playing "Trusting God" over and over and writing what became my mission statement - Love of God, Love of Family, Love for Others.

Call it my Jacob moment, wrestling with the angels of desire, purpose, and destiny, shielding me from the silent but giant doubts and fears of success, failure, and the unknown. What makes this a prize? The fact that God, who is up anyway, has a bit of time with me to just watch me being me. He's nice like that - talking loud enough for me to hear, but not enough to wake up the kids. When I catch that 12 Pm nap and the kids wake me up, perhaps I'll be a little more ready to do something with the hours I've left myself - to be physically what I've become mentally and spiritually the night before.

Looking unto the hills,

acp

Misunderstanding + mis-vision = opposition

(Continuation of last post)

If there were so much understanding of the father's role in their children's lives, I would have lots of fathers in my fatherhood focus group on Saturday mornings at the church. When it was announced, the classes offered cash incentives and breakfast served, all for no cost to the participants. The program has been offered in Hispanic areas to great success. So, considering the considerable and consistent statistical knowledge of how needed African American fathers are, we should have had overflowing attendance in the class we offered, right?

Lucky guess. Actually, there were only two at last class. The others were Middle Eastern and Hispanic dads.

This is why I find opposition must be a result of misunderstanding and mis-vision. Misunderstanding in that the people against my homeschooling must not understand the main reasoning for my scheduling decision is to maximize my work efficiency, not to lower it. And mis-vision because they cannot see the priority of my choice in the context of what God has led me to understand about the role of the father.

In the Old Testament, there are very clear indications that the father is responsible for the worldview and training of the child in a very direct sense. There was no public school system, nor were mothers given the primary role of teacher. This of course is a generalization of thousands of verses, but it's obvious that Proverbs, for example, concentrates on the father - son relationship. When I realized that I was biblically responsible for my children's entire spiritual and mental formation, I realized that I could not, without further instructions from the Holy Spirit, release my children back to the public system. This led to my leaving teaching in elementary and homeschooling full time for one year.

Still, I understood upon taking the full time position at the church would strain both our family learning and my ability to work, I made sure to get permission from my pastor, and I discussed the implications for months before starting to take the kids to work.

Now, perhaps I am overreacting to outside comments that may amount to nothing. But this opposition has only strengthened my resolve. As long as anyone thinks that parenting is not the primary method for raising disciples to Christ, and stands in opposition to the most effective means of achieving that goal, I have work to do. I may not be able to correct all misunderstanding about why I do what I do; neither should I try to. But I can continue to show through my example and my expression that nothing should come before the satisfaction and education of my children. And I intend to do so.

Looking unto the hills,

acp

http://www.enfamiliamiami.org

Only + lonely + attacked = ?

OK, now this is getting ridiculous.

Without giving details that would endanger trust, I can admit that I know my decision to homeschool at work is being questioned. Questioned as in, implying that having my kids at work is somehow detrimental to the church or my ability to work effectively.

Excuse me while I make some salient points to whomever thinks this makes sense.

"TONIGHT, about four of every ten children in the United States will go to sleep in homes
where their fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of eighteen, more than half of
America’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods liv-
ing apart from their fathers."

- "Turning the Corner on Father Absence In Black America", Morehouse College Conference on African American Fathers, 1999

"Because parents tend to be stricter on children of the same sex, the role of fathers is crucial to the growth of boys' self-esteem, said Mandara, a graduate student. Specifically, the pressure that fathers place on boys to achieve builds boys' self-confidence.

Mandara and Murray's study flies in the face of recent studies that concluded the role of the father in the African American household was not very important."

-From UC Riverside article re: a study by psychologists Jelani Mandara and Carolyn Murray, 2000


I missed the part that said where having my kids near me was a bad thing.

The fact that someone in an African American church is upset that an African American dad wants his kids to be with him at work is baffling. I would understand if I was giving them 40's and blunts, or if I had them watching reruns of "Sister Sister" for four hours straight.
But at church?

For those who don't know, our schedule fits into my work like this: (try to keep up). I work at the church Monday through Thursday, Saturday and of course Sunday. During those days, I bring my kids to work from 9 to 2 on every other Monday and from 9 to 12 on Tuesdays. Every other day when I bring them to work, they participate in the tutoring program at our church, so that they interact with their public school counterparts. Of course it allows me more time at work, but since I work mostly nights in rehearsals, that morning time is the most I spend with the kids.

So of course, my time with them is affecting my work, right?
Wrong. In that time, they are usually on their laptops in my office. Sometimes I'll become their tech support, getting them back on the internet, checking over a podcast they're downloading, but for the most part they are working on their own. It provides a time away from the temptation of TV and forces them to concentrate on their studies. My kids' interaction with the staff is like that of junior interns. They sometimes deliver messages or run small errands, but mostly they provide comic relief and sounding boards for their projects. There have been no incidents whatsoever of them causing distraction for the office or the employees.

OK, so now there's no employment issue I can find, and no socially negative influence. If there was a liability problem, well, let's not mention the hundreds of children we have in tutoring each day that we are not insured against. Point blank, there is no way anyone can give me a valid reason why I shouldn't have the ability to have my kids at this particular workplace...unless...

Who's being tested?

Who's being tested?

Once again I'm lying in bed, contemplating the week's events, thanking and thinking. The kids had testing this week. Amazing, the only one with test anxiety was the one not taking the test - yes, yours truly. I fell back into FCAT strategy mumbo jumbo... talking about pacing and other things that have nothing to do with actual knowledge. My fear was that the kids would fall back into panic if there was material we hadn't covered. So imagine my surprise, pleasantly, when the kids bustled out of the site saying testing was - gasp - FUN.

Wait. You mean a year of not focusing on test taking strategies and robotic drill and practice actually contributed to more positive feelings about testing? Imagine that. Whatever will the Florida Board of Education do when (in a million years) they discover this?

I won't have scores for at least a month, but I rest assured that children that approach tests as personal challenge and not a socialist responsibilty to carry their school's reputation on their shoulders will, in the long run, score better. One can always think better without the weight of outside expectations weighing you down. So next year maybe I'll tell them to miss a few on purpose just for fun.

Only kidding.

Looking into the hills,

Acp

Leaving legacies...

This morning we have several issues that may be facing our family. Summer is on the way, the kids have final projects and tests looming, Miki and I are debating financial decisions (what to do with money the government thinks we should spend - in other words, bail them out with the money they take from us - how apropo... ) but what's foremost on my mind is an unfortunate loss of a colleague in ministry by the name of Rev. English. I learned just today he was killed in a car accident last weekend. That shock was followed by the announcement that he would be buried out of town, and the memorial service had already taken place in Miami. In other words, there would be no paying of respects, no final viewing. He's gone and gone.

This gentleman was a musician in a local small church, and we ran into each other frequently in Baptist conventions and church engagements in central Miami. He was always gregarious, laughing, kind of the off - kilter uncle that talks a little too loud and leans in a little too close, but you know he can't help it. He also wasn't the most skilled musician, but he was always there at every function. Mostly though, he was almost overly impressed by my playing. That always made me feel good, even a little uncomfortable, knowing that an older musician looked up to me. I was even thinking of starting a church musician course with musicians like him in mind - people that have been faithful for years but never had adequate or continuous training in music theory or piano technique. In this way I hoped to give back to my forebears in church music while forging a new path. Now, it seems at least for one soldier, I waited a bit too long.

The point I take from this is that as the younger generation watches the older ones pass to reward, we must face the fact that we can't wait for our older days to come before beginning to forge our legacies. The way we deal with our elders is part of the legacy we leave - if it be kindness or neglect. In many respects our parents now look up to us. We have the advantage technologically, of course, and socially we may be more knowledgeable and understanding of relationship techniques and parenting skills, but they will always have the edge of knowing that life is longer and more complicated than we ever see at the present. Our elders have that sense of timelessness, of the principles that don't change with presidents or pundits, new preachers or popular TV shows. No, they are not perfect, but they've proven through lifetime experience that they don't have to be. And maybe we should take a clue from them, like I do from Rev. English, that being all God made you to be is the highest form of perfection one can hope to attain. May God add wings to the prayers for his family.

Looking unto the hills,

acp