Family First...making it work....

Just returned from a wonderful weekend, if not tiring, with the family in Pensacola, FL,celebrating my father's 60th birthday. To surprise my dad is tough enough...to surprise him on a day where he surely was expecting something is amazing. We made the trek 10 hours up the highways of Florida (by the way, Florida voters, that 12 billion dollar bullet train sounds a lot better at 3 am on the turnpike, but I digress...) and managed to spend 'quality'
time with the aunts, uncles and family friends. My brother and sister are both closer to home,
which sometimes makes me feel out of the loop a little - I chose to live farther away, so I can't blame anyone but myself.

I don't want to gloss over how glad I was that we did make the trip. As I said, it does feel at times that distance makes family dynamics more remote. I'm not sure how other families handle it. In our case, we've always maintained a close relationship through the miles, but often it meant picking and choosing events and holidays that we could attend, depending on financial and other concerns. Of course, grandkids and grandparents always go together, and thankfully Marcus and Naomi have maintained good relationships with both grandparents. Now I know I have to help maintain the relationship with all our family members, no matter how far away - or close - they are.

BIG NEWS! I'm happy to present Marcus and Naomi's first podcast, which can be found on Itures (although the title didn't show up), and at their Mac page. Copy this link into your address - http://web.mac.com/allenpaul/iWeb/Site/M%26N%20-%202%20Homeschool%20Students/M%26N%20-
%202%20Homeschool%20Students.html

Thanks for all of your support, everyone...Look to the hills...
AP

How much is too much? (The Tiger Woods Syndrome)

Yes, it's been a while, but it's also been hectic.  We are now safely on the other side of Marcus' opera performance, which was covered by the Miami Herald.  A picture of the opera scene appeared in the Herald, but you can only see Marcus' foot under a cart prop - but you can be sure Marcus is as proud of that as if he had been on the marquee.  The situtation around Marcus' performance has raised some interesting questions, however.

One immediate issue that has arisen is how much sacrifice should a family give for one child's activities.  Marcus' rehearsals often required us to leave places early, to give up a few dinners at home for a McDonalds binge - which of course the kids loved - and required late nights picking him up from the theater at 10pm.  Because it's one week only this time (Carmen last year was a marathon of nearly 6 weeks), it may have been no big deal, but it showed how fragile our routine is when it comes to great opportunities.  At what point does the obvious talent of our children begin to supercede the need for structure and predictability for the other children?   It's a balancing act we're still working on.

Also, I find myself - ever so subtlely - bragging on Marcus' accomplishment.  At one doctor's appt. with my oldest son, Chris, I began talking about Marcus and the opera, at which point the doctor asked Chris how he got into the opera.  Chris hardly noticed the error, but I felt bad that at the time I neglected to present Christopher's talents as an artist and musician - only because he's not currently in a major production or concert.  Was that my pride in living through my kids surfacing?  I've always been careful not to be the parent getting more out of my children's experiences then they do.  But as my children eclipse my abilities and experiences, it becomes harder not to try to imagine what it would have been like if I have done such things in my childhood.   It is a constant temptation to frame reality in my own terms, like a replayed movie with new actors.   

Finally, the child himself.  Marcus has loved the experience of singing on stage with orchestras, meeting professional musicians, and mostly relaxing backstage and playing cards with the "opera moms". But he also showed signs of fatigue and stress after three 
straight late night rehearsals, and he's mentioned giving up choir to play youth football, which would involve daily practices  (not to mention the fact that his mother loathes the idea).  I'm all for athletics, but at the expense of a child's natural gift being neglected?  That's a harder question. I've always been a proponent of letting children explore whatever interests are in their heart, but it's hard when you see incredible potential in a child and know he /she may never know what they could have had if they waited just a little longer, given a talent time until they developed a love for it.  Have I exhibited characteristics of the classic "star" parent?  After all , Tiger Woods' father is now idolized for his singular focus on his son's golf career  - but for every Tiger Woods, there are a thousand Jennifer Capriatis.  I believe it's the constant checks and balances of knowing my son's spirit, his inner drive to be what God created him to be, and to gently steer him toward the gifts that will 'eventually' make him the happiest, and allow him to explore everything else in an environment of unconditional support.  How to do this in reality is beyond me -if I figure it out, please buy my book.

Here's to avoiding the Jacob / Esau rivalry.  I'm gonna try to let my kids be what God wants them to be, so I don't make them just what I want them to be.  Look to the hills from whence cometh your help.....

AP

Thanks for reading...

I'm truly stunned. It takes a lot to leave me speechless, but I honestly am totally surprised that people have actually ... (swallowing hard).... READ this blog. It is amazing to me that even in the innocence of typing and placing thoughts on an obviously public forum, that the idea of others sharing and commenting on my ramblings remains frightening. This does give me alot of faith in the power of information, however. Perhaps the greatest fear of writers around the world with the genesis of the internet was the demise of the book. However, it seems that the opposite is true - never has the printed word had more immediate impact and accessibility, whether on printed page, web page, or read aloud via podcast or video link. It is this democratization of information that has formed my opinion that this is the best time to be yourself - because in an increasingly brand - concsious and commerce driven world, the one thing that is truly unique is you - your thoughts, expressions and outlook on life. It is with that ideal that I welcome any other vistors to share with me and post your comments and ideas. It's the tendrils of the web of human connectedness that makes the entire structure stand up. One cord - my cord - is inconsequential by itself.

In the world of Pauldom, Marcus is preparing to sing in the premiere of La Bohemme in the new Miami Performing Arts Center. For my son to be singing in not one, but two operas in the same year (Carmen was in May), is one of those things that you just don't see coming when you sign up for homeschooling. It would be easy to say that he still would have had the chance to participate had he not been a homeschooler, but that is a big leap. Most likely I would have been scared off by the scheduling and travel issues and not even had him try out in the first place. Perhaps it's just me, but something about a 9 to 5 makes you a little conservative, a little more hestitant to take chances. Even as I say that, I know it's a gross generalization, but it's true in my case. Teaching in the classroom everyday and the kids being in the same classrooms just limited my vision somewhat. It does occur to me that should they return to 'four walls' schooling one day, that I can't limit that vision of their potential or suddenly decide to take them out of all these activities - however, the freedom of 'unschooling' is a constant reminder that opportunities to go another way, to take a different route, are available each and every day. I need that reminder so I don't get caught in the feathery bed of sameness, only to wake up after my kids have slipped into adulthood with nary a unexpected challenge.

It is late, so another post later may clarify my thoughts better. Looking unto the hills...

AP