Not much to say...

I'm glad an uneventual week just passed. Not that it wasn't busy, but that there were no unexpected crazy issues. It's probably the let-down after a holiday weekend that makes the familiar more appealing. Once the holiday is over, we can refocus on the things we are supposed to be thankful for everyday - a steady job, a healthy family, etc. Of course, it's hard to refocus around this time of year.

I've noticed that I've been speaking to some young men, guys in college, seniors in high school. It's interesting to see how they view the world. I'm seeing more of a freedom in their attitudes, a non-conformist streak that seems to strike against the good job, two kids and a house mythology. When I was in school, I felt similar feelings about not being 'trapped' into simply taking a job to make money, but it took much longer for me to solidify my philosophy about approaching life. I hope this generation doesn't waste the opportunity to define their own destinies by simply looking for the safe or familar. It's good to look to the wisdom of our forefathers, but not to be defined by the achievements, or even the attitudes, that preceded us. If Jesus could say, "greater works than these shall ye do", He must have meant that what He placed in us was capable of more than we witnessed in the past. It is a self reproducing, eternal drive to be more of what is in us than what we were. Our destinies are defined by our intensity, not our history.

More news on the latest homeschool projects soon. Looking unto the hills....
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Things to give thanks for....

1. That God would love me.
2. That I have a family to love.
3. That my wife still thinks that "yes" was the right answer.
4. That kids are the ulimate lesson in forgiving and being forgiven.
5. That my car doesn't have to be in perfect condition to get me around.
6. That money isn't everything.
7. That being late isn't always the end - sometimes showing up is a victory in itself.
8. That no one has ever died from a dirty house.
9. That some people actually think my silly jokes are funny.
10. That my real friends are real friends.
11. That in my lowest point, I am still better off than 99% of the people in the world who are hungry, homeless, or hopeless.
12. That I am in a position to help the hungry, homeless, and hopeless.
13. That because music is part of heaven, I will never be unemployed.
14. That sometimes a clean t-shirt and jeans is a blessing from above.
15. That family is family - no matter what.
16. That it does all work out for my good.
17. That I know who to thank on thanksgiving.
18. That He loves me.
19. That I know I can't complete this list.

Happy Thanksgiving to all and remember from whence cometh your help.

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Keeping Promises

Tonight is a night that I really don't want to remember what I promised to myself and others. One of those promises involves my writing at this very moment. As part of my weekly planning, I decided to be more consistent with my blogging by writing two times a week. Of course, this turned into a long, busy week where I was tempted to put that off. But it's important to me that I begin to act on my personal committments. Keeping a promise to myself helps remind me that without internal integrity, I can't practice external integrity with others.

I also have to keep my promise to my kids. As things become more hectic, it becomes really hard to remember to plan, to keep active and ahead of the kids' learning curve. But my promise to them is to provide the best education possible, even when it's inconvenient for me to do so. I understand that many of the teachable moments of a day are outside of a particular plan or lesson, but it's also important to maintain a steady program of planning and study, even for a outschooler like me. (My own made up term - not quite unschooling, but certainly not "in" school or totally structured lessons either). In the long run, it's probably more pressure on myself, but I feel my kids will only pick up the concept of discipline if I exhibit it myself, even in the educational choices I make (or maybe more, because of those choices.)

I've tried the website a couple more times using a shorter address - if you're looking for my pictures or updates. They can be found at www.web.mac.com/allenpaul/iweb/site.

Now it's time to get some sleep - something else I have to be disciplined in....
Look unto the hills,

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Stranger than Fiction...you heard it here first!

Hello everyone...just when I thought I was the only one with a voice in my head...

that's right, I wrote a post about the 'internal narrator' a few weeks ago. Now, a movie comes out with almost the exact premise that I described. Maybe I should be writing for Hollywood instead. (Naw...)

The movie stars Will Ferrell, who hears a female voice overdubbed over his everyday life. I suppose the movie "Click" hinted at the same idea when Adam Sandler hears James Earl Jones on his "commentary" track. What I think is so ironic is that these movies seem to play on our own desire to have significance through the impressions or the view of others. It's almost as if the television "commentary" has become institutionalized in our culture. Every action, every opinion is run through the filter of mass media,
cultural sensitivity, and populariy considerations. I wonder (or maybe I should ask) if the older generations find this kind of constant rehashing and reworking of everyday
issues a little silly. After all, how did we view everyday life before TV, before radio, before the "voices" of others became real voices and not simply imagination or literary devices? Most importantly, when did the "still small voice" of the Spirit start having to compete with the loud voices of our TV commentaries? I feel all of us have to differentiate between that voice of the commentator and listen to the quieter voice that speaks like, as Lincoln states, "the better angels of our nature."

Look unto the hills,

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Family First...making it work....

Just returned from a wonderful weekend, if not tiring, with the family in Pensacola, FL,celebrating my father's 60th birthday. To surprise my dad is tough enough...to surprise him on a day where he surely was expecting something is amazing. We made the trek 10 hours up the highways of Florida (by the way, Florida voters, that 12 billion dollar bullet train sounds a lot better at 3 am on the turnpike, but I digress...) and managed to spend 'quality'
time with the aunts, uncles and family friends. My brother and sister are both closer to home,
which sometimes makes me feel out of the loop a little - I chose to live farther away, so I can't blame anyone but myself.

I don't want to gloss over how glad I was that we did make the trip. As I said, it does feel at times that distance makes family dynamics more remote. I'm not sure how other families handle it. In our case, we've always maintained a close relationship through the miles, but often it meant picking and choosing events and holidays that we could attend, depending on financial and other concerns. Of course, grandkids and grandparents always go together, and thankfully Marcus and Naomi have maintained good relationships with both grandparents. Now I know I have to help maintain the relationship with all our family members, no matter how far away - or close - they are.

BIG NEWS! I'm happy to present Marcus and Naomi's first podcast, which can be found on Itures (although the title didn't show up), and at their Mac page. Copy this link into your address - http://web.mac.com/allenpaul/iWeb/Site/M%26N%20-%202%20Homeschool%20Students/M%26N%20-
%202%20Homeschool%20Students.html

Thanks for all of your support, everyone...Look to the hills...
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How much is too much? (The Tiger Woods Syndrome)

Yes, it's been a while, but it's also been hectic.  We are now safely on the other side of Marcus' opera performance, which was covered by the Miami Herald.  A picture of the opera scene appeared in the Herald, but you can only see Marcus' foot under a cart prop - but you can be sure Marcus is as proud of that as if he had been on the marquee.  The situtation around Marcus' performance has raised some interesting questions, however.

One immediate issue that has arisen is how much sacrifice should a family give for one child's activities.  Marcus' rehearsals often required us to leave places early, to give up a few dinners at home for a McDonalds binge - which of course the kids loved - and required late nights picking him up from the theater at 10pm.  Because it's one week only this time (Carmen last year was a marathon of nearly 6 weeks), it may have been no big deal, but it showed how fragile our routine is when it comes to great opportunities.  At what point does the obvious talent of our children begin to supercede the need for structure and predictability for the other children?   It's a balancing act we're still working on.

Also, I find myself - ever so subtlely - bragging on Marcus' accomplishment.  At one doctor's appt. with my oldest son, Chris, I began talking about Marcus and the opera, at which point the doctor asked Chris how he got into the opera.  Chris hardly noticed the error, but I felt bad that at the time I neglected to present Christopher's talents as an artist and musician - only because he's not currently in a major production or concert.  Was that my pride in living through my kids surfacing?  I've always been careful not to be the parent getting more out of my children's experiences then they do.  But as my children eclipse my abilities and experiences, it becomes harder not to try to imagine what it would have been like if I have done such things in my childhood.   It is a constant temptation to frame reality in my own terms, like a replayed movie with new actors.   

Finally, the child himself.  Marcus has loved the experience of singing on stage with orchestras, meeting professional musicians, and mostly relaxing backstage and playing cards with the "opera moms". But he also showed signs of fatigue and stress after three 
straight late night rehearsals, and he's mentioned giving up choir to play youth football, which would involve daily practices  (not to mention the fact that his mother loathes the idea).  I'm all for athletics, but at the expense of a child's natural gift being neglected?  That's a harder question. I've always been a proponent of letting children explore whatever interests are in their heart, but it's hard when you see incredible potential in a child and know he /she may never know what they could have had if they waited just a little longer, given a talent time until they developed a love for it.  Have I exhibited characteristics of the classic "star" parent?  After all , Tiger Woods' father is now idolized for his singular focus on his son's golf career  - but for every Tiger Woods, there are a thousand Jennifer Capriatis.  I believe it's the constant checks and balances of knowing my son's spirit, his inner drive to be what God created him to be, and to gently steer him toward the gifts that will 'eventually' make him the happiest, and allow him to explore everything else in an environment of unconditional support.  How to do this in reality is beyond me -if I figure it out, please buy my book.

Here's to avoiding the Jacob / Esau rivalry.  I'm gonna try to let my kids be what God wants them to be, so I don't make them just what I want them to be.  Look to the hills from whence cometh your help.....

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Thanks for reading...

I'm truly stunned. It takes a lot to leave me speechless, but I honestly am totally surprised that people have actually ... (swallowing hard).... READ this blog. It is amazing to me that even in the innocence of typing and placing thoughts on an obviously public forum, that the idea of others sharing and commenting on my ramblings remains frightening. This does give me alot of faith in the power of information, however. Perhaps the greatest fear of writers around the world with the genesis of the internet was the demise of the book. However, it seems that the opposite is true - never has the printed word had more immediate impact and accessibility, whether on printed page, web page, or read aloud via podcast or video link. It is this democratization of information that has formed my opinion that this is the best time to be yourself - because in an increasingly brand - concsious and commerce driven world, the one thing that is truly unique is you - your thoughts, expressions and outlook on life. It is with that ideal that I welcome any other vistors to share with me and post your comments and ideas. It's the tendrils of the web of human connectedness that makes the entire structure stand up. One cord - my cord - is inconsequential by itself.

In the world of Pauldom, Marcus is preparing to sing in the premiere of La Bohemme in the new Miami Performing Arts Center. For my son to be singing in not one, but two operas in the same year (Carmen was in May), is one of those things that you just don't see coming when you sign up for homeschooling. It would be easy to say that he still would have had the chance to participate had he not been a homeschooler, but that is a big leap. Most likely I would have been scared off by the scheduling and travel issues and not even had him try out in the first place. Perhaps it's just me, but something about a 9 to 5 makes you a little conservative, a little more hestitant to take chances. Even as I say that, I know it's a gross generalization, but it's true in my case. Teaching in the classroom everyday and the kids being in the same classrooms just limited my vision somewhat. It does occur to me that should they return to 'four walls' schooling one day, that I can't limit that vision of their potential or suddenly decide to take them out of all these activities - however, the freedom of 'unschooling' is a constant reminder that opportunities to go another way, to take a different route, are available each and every day. I need that reminder so I don't get caught in the feathery bed of sameness, only to wake up after my kids have slipped into adulthood with nary a unexpected challenge.

It is late, so another post later may clarify my thoughts better. Looking unto the hills...

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Five Letter Words

Doubt.  What a little word with such a big body.  It can literally swallow whole dreams and purposes, and it's not even more than five letters. Promise, imagination, dreams, potential all are bigger words, but if doubt gets its gander up, all those bigger words are powerless.  

I talk about doubt because on days like today, where my whole morning was swallowed by crisis after crisis and the kids basically looked like zombies, doubt became the 800 pound gorilla slapping me around.  I mean, how many kids are having uninterrupted learning while I fend off rumours and innuendos by phone over things I have no control over?  Are my kids really benefitting from being around me as I fuss and fume over work?  Is this the life they really desire, or do they just think they do, because they know it makes me happy?

Bigger, bigger, bigger grows the five letter word.

Then doubt's big bully cousin, logic, steps in.  It would make more sense, he says, to simply send them to school.  You'll still participate in their lives, right?  It's not like you'll never work with them on educational things.  And it's the 'quality time' that counts.  Logic is a little more subtle than doubt but just as paralyzing, because he uses the words that others use.  Doubt uses your own words against you.  Either one is a bear, but together they make a horrendous tag team of trepidation and uncertainty.  What's worse, they don't give you solutions as much as an espace hatch that you don't entirely trust as well.  Wasn't that door the same one you came in from?  Isn't it the way back from the problems that led you to this place?  How come the escape hatch always looks familiar?  I've never seen logic lead me to a new conclusion.  It's always moving toward a rusty, but tried and true door that creaks as it opens and flakes off in your hand, leaving paint flecks from the slamming of the door over and over as you left and returned again and again.

Then there's faith.  

Another five letters.  Same size, same propensity to look smaller than it really is.  Doubt doesn't tell you about itself - neither does faith.  Both wait for the circumstances to arise before it starts to speak.  But while doubt speaks to what you say to yourself, and logic says what others say, faith says what you haven't heard yet.  And that's why faith always seems unfamiliar - he has a new voice, an unfamiliar voice like that of a new bird song in your backyard.  You hear it, but it's so new that you either think you've misheard the same bird as before, or that it's simply passing through.  You don't expect it to nest.  But there it is again, the same new song, chirping loudly and so clearly that to ignore it takes effort.  It never infringes, only invites.  Doubt knocks loudly, Logic kicks down the door and sits in your favorite chair.  Faith waits on the outside, but has the key to a whole new house, and simply wants you to come visit.  Faith knows you won't understand if he shows you pictures or uses your own descriptions.  It's not adequate.

Hebrews 11:1-2.  I know it says it better.  But now I just want to remember that I'm naturally going to hear from each five letter word, and one is pretty worried, and one is pretty insistent, and one is quitely confident.   My children are asleep now, and not one of them is worried about tomorrow - about a test, or a meal, or a bully, or a mean teacher.  They are trusting that tomorrow is going to be another great rollercoaster day.  The letters T-R-U-S-T are standing beside me, and they are beginning to show a barely visible smile.

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The Internal Narration

We all have one. That voice on the inside that details the inner workings of your
mind like an incessant sportscaster intent on pointing out every obvious point of the game
("it's going to come down to the final play..." 'nooooo, really?').
I'm hearing that voice even today, and I'm actually grateful for it in a way.
The narrator of my mind is pointing out my inconsistency today - how I badger my teen about going to bed when I'm staying up myself -
how I am trying to create a piano curriculum for my piano students while divorcing my younger
kids from any overt educational structure, that sort of thing.
And yet I'm glad I have an inner critic / commentator. It reminds me that I'm not just of one
mind,barrelling down the same road out of ignorance or pride. It reminds me that I do have
choices, and just because I ignore the voice one day does not mean
I will be out of touch with it the next. Please understand that I'm not referring to the voice
of the Spirit, which I know I must listen to as a Christian. It's that more human side of reflection that I know is
just a revelation that I'm more than the sum of my actions - I have a will, and it's being shaped daily and re-shaped daily. It's simply the discipline of watching my will match His will, and then enjoying the process.

On the homeschool front I'm still researching language arts resources, esp. handwriting and 'basal' type lessons. It seems that the Charlotte Mason approach, with its reliance on pure production (dictation, narration, copywork, etc.) suits my feeling that I don't want my kids creating what they've never seen. If you can't read or copy a great paragraph, how can you create one? Even so, I'm still trying to keep the creative side flowing, as I want them to continue to create literature examples (I love the book Poetry Speaks to Children - which I just checked out from the library.) and to continue to look to share knowledge as soon as they learn it. I am still convinced that the transfer of knowledge from one form to another and then from one person to another is the key to the retention of the knowledge itself. (Long words meaning, if you can teach it, you've learned it.)

As I mentioned, an hour long trip to the library has netted me more insights into my kids interests. While I do steer them on the way to more 'structured' work, my gut feeling is still to adapt my lessons to their interest, rather than the other way around. This interest directed learning is way harder on the planning, but the satisifaction my kids have with their learning choices is hard to argue with. As I discussed with my wife our educational philosophy, that idea of 'when they are interested' kept popping up. Should we push them into a subject because the 'grade level' is usually the determining factor? If so, shouldn't all kids walk by 9 months, or talk by 20? When does the learning process become so predictable? I hold that it never does, and that is why public schools will continue to be hit and miss. Hit with the kids that are ready, and miss the kids that aren't.

Lastly, I just finished the audiobook 'Clemente' by David Maraniss(sp). What a great person and character Roberto Clemente was - an individual. My inner voice is comparing us - would I ever be so great as to be revered as a great baseball hero and cultural icon? If I am faithful over what God has placed in my hands - my children, my wife, my ministry - then I believe that I am in the same league as a Clemente - passionate and uncompromising about what is important to me. My inner voice says that's a good enough goal for a dad. Not to be a sports icon or social her0 - but to be a good husband and father. That's a home run for me any day. Here's to more pitches to hit tomorrow. God bless you and keep your eyes to the hills from whence comes your help.

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Ernesto Who?

Wow. Imagine being grateful for a tropical storm. In the past two days we have had non stop coverage about Katrina' s one year anniversary, and meanwhile my family has had essentially a weekend within the week of relaxation due to all the Tropical Storm Ernesto closings.  My wife and I actually built the drawers to the boys' remodeling project that was supposed to be done by summer's end, and the kids got to try out their podcasting skills without the hustle of getting to tutoring on time.  In all, it's another proof that God blesses us in weird ways sometimes.  

Of course, I didn't really rest.  Not R-E-S-T, the kind that you have to shake yourself out of in order to start going again.  This may seem a continual refrain for me.  It's a constant struggle not to try to fill every single day with every single project and complete it.  So today I did make a consicous effort not to neglect the kids.  I sat with my wife and Naomi as they cleaned her room - which is always a two person project at least - and helped get my oldest son on the wireless internet, which always adds cool points for being the techno wizard of the house. It doesn't take a whole lot - though  I of course can do more - but it is a refreshing feeling to know that I was not just a drill sargent today barking orders and stealing the fun out of an unexpected vacation day.  Besides, so much work awaits me on the other side of unexpected rest that I know I better take advantage of it next time, because the next storm may be a long way off - or next week.  In Florida you never know.  

I have to include a podcast update.   I think the kids and I are going to separate our shows.  They want a more kid friendly show, while I really want to include some tips for dads and parents. So...we'll try both.  My podcast is waiting on some more info about structure - the kids are compiling information using a template from Radio Willowweb - shout out to you guys too. Seems like last year I had no web presence at all - now I have 4 sites to keep up with.  Go figure.

Smiles and Blessings and look to the hills from whence cometh your help (Psalm 121).

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Late night reflections...

It's about 1:10 am and I can't sleep. Not out of anxiety, although I am concerned about our Sunday services this morning - I'm still without a song for our offering time, and the dancers sprung a new song on me at the last minute. My Ipod and new Bose headphones are probably contributing to my insomnia. Today was a good day, so it's not the feeling of incompleteness. I'm actually feeling quite grateful. A great dinner with the kids and wife (hot dogs and chips - can't get much easier clean up than that), and home movies of the kids 5 years ago remind me how wonderful it is to be free of devestating tragedies, things that can stop you dead in your tracks. Everyday that is free of such things is a day to be grateful to God.

As far as our homeschooling goes, we're easing into the year. My most exciting idea is our podcast - appropriately named "homeschooldaddy' like this blog. In this I think the kids will find a voice for all the learning they will be doing. The idea is that all learning is useless unless it is shared in some form - either by teaching, inventing, creating, or some other form of sharing. I know there are hundreds of thousands of podcasts now, but I also feel like there's a uniqueness in the experience of day - to - day homeschooling that is hard to catch in a more 'acedemic' setting. I hope to avoid the jargon and let the kids create a show that will be accessible to both adults and kids. (Big shout out to "Homeschool Habitat" - I miss you guys - and I hope to produce a show as well thought out as yours was.)
I'm still searching out a curriculum for language arts - I want Naomi and Marcus to have a better handle on the mechanics of language, even as their creative skills increase and are better utilized. Marcus is so creative with his stories, but I'm looking at him writing more non - fiction and reporting style articles this year. Naomi is always nervous about creative writing. She's the one that follows her brother's lead, but wants to find her own voice. With a better understanding of language, I hope she'll feel more comfortable with expressing herself in her own way.
That's enough for tonite - bet this becomes my nightly ritual. Helps to center my mind on what's already on my mind - make sense?

Still working on it..

Yes, right now it seems that Homeschooldaddy is waiting on the kids to return. Thank goodness we're going to get them from their grandparents tomorrow. They should have lots to share about their summer - visiting San Francisco, etc. Of course I have not prepared at all for this school year. No time like the present, I guess. Now that I have a MacBook Pro, it should be easier to post from any location. The Podcast looks like a go pretty soon as well. What's important is that I find a way to put thoughts into action, which I think is the most important part about homeschooling anyway - to shorten the distance between need and meeting the need, between seeing the growth of your kids and participating in the process before it's over.

Does summer have an express button?

It's June 26, I am barely hanging on here, and the children that are normally driving me to that end are off in Pensacola, FL, having an extraordinary time with grandparents. Summer would seem to be a time of rest and reflection, of enjoying the break away from the kids. But it's probably the most pressure packed time of the year. This is the time where I try to pack 10 household and home office projects in 6 weeks, as if I'll never have another chance to file tax returns from 2003 or really scrub the bathroom tile. I know in my heart that all of these projects can be organized into our daily routine, but I still put myself under unrealistic deadlines. My only advice would be to realize that summer doesn't not have to be a major change, just a time to re-balance and re-focus on those things that were neglected in the school year. It's not necessary to do everything you missed from August to June, esp. if you learn to keep doing summer things all year around.

Welcome to Homeschool Daddy!

Here's our first attempt at blogging. Marcus, Naomi and I are looking forward to sharing information with other homeschoolers and dads (and moms) around the country. Hope to hear from you and share stories soon...

A quick bio - I, (Allen) am a 32 yr. old African American musician and teacher, currently serving as a Minister of Music in my church here in Miami. I also homeschool my two younger children, Marcus,9, and Naomi,8, along with my wife Miki. She works full-time at our church. My oldest son, Christopher, 14, will attend a magnet high school next year. I've taught in public schools as an elementary music teacher 8 years before leaving to homeschool in 2005.

There are many things in which I realize I am in the minority - male elementary teacher, male homeschooler, etc. - but I know there are others and I want to share any thoughts that might benefit you in your quest to educate your family - not just in home-school, but in family life lessons. That's the way we approach it, and if we're not perfect, that just means we have a chance of getting better. See you soon...