Another late evening....the kids and wife are asleep and I'm wondering to myself if blogging now is a kind of epitaph to the day past. The assumption that I'm writing to myself is some comfort, until I remember that I am allowing the world in on this inner sanctum of random thoughts. Two things right now do warrant comment...one, my oldest sons' current difficulties with school (public, that is) and the things I noticed about the days that are not filled with activity, like today.
Christopher has never been the workhorse at school. He has exhibited the same consistent inconsistency since 2nd grade...call it the ADD or the lack of interest in anything but comic novels and British hip-hop, but it led to a frantic call from his teacher the other day. The fact that every day I ask him about school, and the classic teen response - "ok" - was no comfort when the teacher explained that 'OK' really meant - "I haven't turned in any work for two weeks and the teacher is about to pull her (and my) hair out."
Now as a homeschooler and rebel against the system of grading, I'm in a tight spot. To go on the rampage about lackadaisical attitudes is one thing. To be upset over D's and F's when I know I've exempted my other two kids from the struggle about letter grades is another. And I admit that the call from a fellow teacher was embarassing to say the least. What parent doesn't feel a shot of guilt and dismay at their own situation - my kid's the one in the back of the class, goofing off? Now it's PERSONAL - all about my reputation, my desire not to be singled out as the parent with the bad kid. Funny, that's the same feeling I don't want my kid to be motivated by. I don't want him working to avoid being singled out or for the classic carrot /reward for being a 'good student'. I really want him to care. To desire excellence for excellence's sake. To realize that 99% of the work he does is a chance to exhibit responsibility over a long term task, and not to become an expert on Shakespeare or the history of Elizabethan Art. But for a moment, I have to say the "you better shape up" speech. Now Chris is a classic "whatever" type - so I can't look for the breakdown moment where he would suddenly see things my way. In fact, I resigned myself to more monitoring (which I hate) and the fact that the only way he pulls these grades up is by more pressure from other sources, and not just being grounded. Despite all these things, I hope I haven't sent the message that it's all about grades - because it's not. Anybody checked Bill Gates' report card lately? Didn't think so.
As we rummaged through today, we did have the chance to play outside, take a nap, throw the football around, grill hot-dogs and generally be unrushed, which was a blessing. I keep thinking about the parents of the Virginia Tech tragedy, and other parents who have lost kids and I thank God again that I can watch my kids play and fool around one more day. The other day my daughter and I walked to the store and talked about silly stuff like flying cars, but she loved it and constantly reminded the boys later that Daddy and her 'bonded'. Now when 'bonding' became a vocabulary word for a 8 year old, I don't know, but the fact that we did spend time together was just confirmation that I'm enjoying something very precious, something that I don't know I would have if our lives were run the traditional 9 to 5 rat race style way. No, our days aren't all quiet and peaceful, but that makes the ones that are much more special.
Looking unto the hills,
AP
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Return to contemplation...
Once again it's a late night and I've returned to the quiet, insomina-influenced musings about life. It's a shame that I'm going to pay dearly in the morning for this time that is often my only chance to truly unwind. Perhaps that is an indictment on my busy lifestyle, or, (as I'd prefer) a revelation that I shouldn't have to go to work so early.
The kids are gearing down - or up, depending how you look at it - for summer. It's inevitable that as May approaches that the thoughts turn more to completion and wrapping up things instead of starting them. I've been trying gamely to squeeze in one more unit study of Kitchen Science and have the kids do their final podcast of the year. The time might be better spent reviewing the last 8 months and making sure we've covered everything we wanted to cover this year, but the kids love to cook and there are some concepts about matter and energy I can tell they are still confused about. Next year comes the major decision on whether to enter our third year of homeschooling. Our schedule this year was challenging to say the least, and Naomi did not go as far as I would have liked in math or grammar. We've always known that Marcus is better at independent work than Naomi, but I am feeling the normal pangs of doubt about considering public school again. Obviously I have to give myself more time to consider what we've really accomplished and how well the children are applying their learning to everyday life, which was the point all long.
The key that I find myself returning to what we've gained through homeschooling. My quiet moments talking with my daughter while waiting for a speech therapy class to end; listening to the kids engage in a serious discussion on how best to structure their nursery business (their clients - 18 various puppies and teddy bear dolls), and of course, the various 'aha' moments that may be far and few between, but are worth it everytime they occur. Homeschooling forces me to constantly consider my children first in each family decision. And I admit I am scared and ashamed of the fact that without that motivation it would be very easy to lower their deserved priority. As a dad it is a challenge and a continual reminder that no matter where my children are schooled (*including my 15 year old high schooler), they must be constantly at the front of my agenda. As simple and obvious as that sounds, I prefer to refer back to it as a new revelation every day.
Looking unto the hills,
AP
The kids are gearing down - or up, depending how you look at it - for summer. It's inevitable that as May approaches that the thoughts turn more to completion and wrapping up things instead of starting them. I've been trying gamely to squeeze in one more unit study of Kitchen Science and have the kids do their final podcast of the year. The time might be better spent reviewing the last 8 months and making sure we've covered everything we wanted to cover this year, but the kids love to cook and there are some concepts about matter and energy I can tell they are still confused about. Next year comes the major decision on whether to enter our third year of homeschooling. Our schedule this year was challenging to say the least, and Naomi did not go as far as I would have liked in math or grammar. We've always known that Marcus is better at independent work than Naomi, but I am feeling the normal pangs of doubt about considering public school again. Obviously I have to give myself more time to consider what we've really accomplished and how well the children are applying their learning to everyday life, which was the point all long.
The key that I find myself returning to what we've gained through homeschooling. My quiet moments talking with my daughter while waiting for a speech therapy class to end; listening to the kids engage in a serious discussion on how best to structure their nursery business (their clients - 18 various puppies and teddy bear dolls), and of course, the various 'aha' moments that may be far and few between, but are worth it everytime they occur. Homeschooling forces me to constantly consider my children first in each family decision. And I admit I am scared and ashamed of the fact that without that motivation it would be very easy to lower their deserved priority. As a dad it is a challenge and a continual reminder that no matter where my children are schooled (*including my 15 year old high schooler), they must be constantly at the front of my agenda. As simple and obvious as that sounds, I prefer to refer back to it as a new revelation every day.
Looking unto the hills,
AP
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