Thankfulness

This month began our new school year - both public and homeschool. The opening schedule made me feel so behind, as I again tried to balance full-time ministry with full-time parenting. But right in the middle of beginning my own pity party about how busy and tired I am, I am reminded, as many of us are, by tragedy that I really am blessed. On Wednesday my church will bury a 4 year old drowning victim. The mother is only 19 herself. Add to that the fatal police shootings this week in Miami, and it seems that God is again allowing the world to wake us up. I kissed my daughter a couple more times this evening, and I gave my son the benefit of the doubt with his homework so he could enjoy a relaxed evening with his brother and sister.
It again reminds me that the main reason I educate at home and make such an effort to be involved in my older son's life. It can never become trite that we spend time with our loved ones. It's not the amount of homework, or the chores that are checked off, it's the love that is shared between parent and child that is the foundation of everything else they will become.

One other incident that gave me pause happened on Friday. I took my kids to a Christian homeschool co-op with classes from pottery to cheerleading. The kids loved it, of course, but I do have to volunteer for one hour each week. There were many other dads around, but mostly in support or visiting their spouses and kids. In my class, one mother saw me and related how she knew another "Mr. Mom", but that he was disabled so that was a natural way for him to help out. It made me think of how strange it is now for fathers to be considered the main educator of the family, while the Bible basically places almost all the responsibility for the child's education on the father. Proverbs is nothing if not a instruction manual from a father to a son. Moses said over and over to the fathers of the Israelites that they were to impart the wisdom of following the Lord to their children. For men to truly be complete in our God given role, I feel we must again take our role as leaders, not just of finances or home projects, but of the worldview and faith-walk of our families. I'm not saying it's easy, I just know that it is worth it to continue to take the lead in my children's learning and spiritual growth. That's my goal for 2007-08, to make sure my children have the best I can give them as a father in every way - spiritually, emotionally, and educationally. I pray for anyone else that is joining me in this effort to make the next generation even better than the last.

Looking unto the hills,

AP

Another year past...

Not much time before this computer goes to sleep, so I must comment quickly....

I didn't even notice that my last post was exactly one year after I began this erstwhile attempt to maintain a journal of my exploits as the 'homeschooldaddy'. It seems strange that I didn't mark the occasion - then again with my long gaps in blogging, it's probably no surprise. With the kids in summer camp (free at my church - what a blessing!) and evaluations to complete, there's not much going on educationally. I am glad that the summer camp is doing some academic review, but mostly I do want the kids to enjoy themselves. Now the interesting thing is I'm back on the outside, asking the kids what they did each day and responding with the generic "That's nice...." I'm a little upset with myself, knowing I'm not as engaged with their excitement because I'm not sharing it day to day. The immediate feedback of teaching and interfacing with the kids each day is a bit intoxicating, and I'm missing it already. I'm glad their love of knowledge has not disappeared just because they are in a 'school' like environment...it's a comfort to know they still can work in any type of social setting.

Only one bar left on the battery, so I must close for tonight. Look to the hills....

ap

Quiet Nights at Home...

Another late evening....the kids and wife are asleep and I'm wondering to myself if blogging now is a kind of epitaph to the day past. The assumption that I'm writing to myself is some comfort, until I remember that I am allowing the world in on this inner sanctum of random thoughts. Two things right now do warrant comment...one, my oldest sons' current difficulties with school (public, that is) and the things I noticed about the days that are not filled with activity, like today.

Christopher has never been the workhorse at school. He has exhibited the same consistent inconsistency since 2nd grade...call it the ADD or the lack of interest in anything but comic novels and British hip-hop, but it led to a frantic call from his teacher the other day. The fact that every day I ask him about school, and the classic teen response - "ok" - was no comfort when the teacher explained that 'OK' really meant - "I haven't turned in any work for two weeks and the teacher is about to pull her (and my) hair out."
Now as a homeschooler and rebel against the system of grading, I'm in a tight spot. To go on the rampage about lackadaisical attitudes is one thing. To be upset over D's and F's when I know I've exempted my other two kids from the struggle about letter grades is another. And I admit that the call from a fellow teacher was embarassing to say the least. What parent doesn't feel a shot of guilt and dismay at their own situation - my kid's the one in the back of the class, goofing off? Now it's PERSONAL - all about my reputation, my desire not to be singled out as the parent with the bad kid. Funny, that's the same feeling I don't want my kid to be motivated by. I don't want him working to avoid being singled out or for the classic carrot /reward for being a 'good student'. I really want him to care. To desire excellence for excellence's sake. To realize that 99% of the work he does is a chance to exhibit responsibility over a long term task, and not to become an expert on Shakespeare or the history of Elizabethan Art. But for a moment, I have to say the "you better shape up" speech. Now Chris is a classic "whatever" type - so I can't look for the breakdown moment where he would suddenly see things my way. In fact, I resigned myself to more monitoring (which I hate) and the fact that the only way he pulls these grades up is by more pressure from other sources, and not just being grounded. Despite all these things, I hope I haven't sent the message that it's all about grades - because it's not. Anybody checked Bill Gates' report card lately? Didn't think so.

As we rummaged through today, we did have the chance to play outside, take a nap, throw the football around, grill hot-dogs and generally be unrushed, which was a blessing. I keep thinking about the parents of the Virginia Tech tragedy, and other parents who have lost kids and I thank God again that I can watch my kids play and fool around one more day. The other day my daughter and I walked to the store and talked about silly stuff like flying cars, but she loved it and constantly reminded the boys later that Daddy and her 'bonded'. Now when 'bonding' became a vocabulary word for a 8 year old, I don't know, but the fact that we did spend time together was just confirmation that I'm enjoying something very precious, something that I don't know I would have if our lives were run the traditional 9 to 5 rat race style way. No, our days aren't all quiet and peaceful, but that makes the ones that are much more special.

Looking unto the hills,

AP

Return to contemplation...

Once again it's a late night and I've returned to the quiet, insomina-influenced musings about life. It's a shame that I'm going to pay dearly in the morning for this time that is often my only chance to truly unwind. Perhaps that is an indictment on my busy lifestyle, or, (as I'd prefer) a revelation that I shouldn't have to go to work so early.

The kids are gearing down - or up, depending how you look at it - for summer. It's inevitable that as May approaches that the thoughts turn more to completion and wrapping up things instead of starting them. I've been trying gamely to squeeze in one more unit study of Kitchen Science and have the kids do their final podcast of the year. The time might be better spent reviewing the last 8 months and making sure we've covered everything we wanted to cover this year, but the kids love to cook and there are some concepts about matter and energy I can tell they are still confused about. Next year comes the major decision on whether to enter our third year of homeschooling. Our schedule this year was challenging to say the least, and Naomi did not go as far as I would have liked in math or grammar. We've always known that Marcus is better at independent work than Naomi, but I am feeling the normal pangs of doubt about considering public school again. Obviously I have to give myself more time to consider what we've really accomplished and how well the children are applying their learning to everyday life, which was the point all long.

The key that I find myself returning to what we've gained through homeschooling. My quiet moments talking with my daughter while waiting for a speech therapy class to end; listening to the kids engage in a serious discussion on how best to structure their nursery business (their clients - 18 various puppies and teddy bear dolls), and of course, the various 'aha' moments that may be far and few between, but are worth it everytime they occur. Homeschooling forces me to constantly consider my children first in each family decision. And I admit I am scared and ashamed of the fact that without that motivation it would be very easy to lower their deserved priority. As a dad it is a challenge and a continual reminder that no matter where my children are schooled (*including my 15 year old high schooler), they must be constantly at the front of my agenda. As simple and obvious as that sounds, I prefer to refer back to it as a new revelation every day.

Looking unto the hills,
AP

How Arbitrary....

I completed my "report card" today for my kids. It always surprises me how much we actually accomplish. Not that it's a huge amount, but that it does include many things I worry that we haven't covered. In the case of the second semester, we did a lot with government (the Constitution, State Government, Elections) and our travel the United States project taught the kids about map reading, budgeting for their trip (they had to plan a six state nationwide tour with hotel costs, two sight seeing excursions and the distance and mode of travel). Other than math, however, it was harder to make a grade for them that made sense to a public school world. After all, aside from the rubric method - which is also subjective - it is almost impossible to make distinctions between an "A" job and a "b" job. So we'll see.

We're moving on to pre - Revolutionary America - after the pilgrims. I'd like to reinforce the slave trade in all its respects, including how some African countries initially benefited until the Europeans used their influence to subjugate and destroy the economies of these once grand kingdoms. It's important to me that we as African Americans acknowledge that at one point, somebody earned something on our side as well, despite the obvious massive kidnappings and stealing of human beings. It reminds me that as a family of brothers and sisters we can never place riches above relationships, nor prosperity above people. Black history is full of bad decisions by both blacks and whites. The celebration perhaps should be called Black Heritage, because that speaks more of the spirit of the African American tradition, rather than overlooking the historical missteps we took in the 70's and 80's by trying to formalize our racial identity through victimization or glorification of the past at the expense of the present. The heritage of our forefathers was one of just as much individualism as collective will, and when we try to tie each individual accomplishment to a collective achievement, we run the risk of constantly reducing our advancement to a list of "firsts", followed by a total disregard of the more important second, third, or fourth. In fact, many tend to pay more attention to the "first" to achieve a certain goal, then to the collective accomplishment of many others that achieved similar goals later, but are reduced to have followed those who "paved the way". Are all roads exactly the same? Was each African American's trials and issues made smoother in the same way? Or did each overcome different, perhaps more importantly, non-racial conditions to achieve greatness? And if those conditions were not based on racial bias, or lessened by some other person's sacrifice, does that mean that the followers work was not as hard, or did not require similar, or perhaps greater internal sacrifice?

I realize the questions above are far-flung, but they are the kinds of questions I think face those of African American persuasion today. I find it similar to the biblical mandate that "the teacher is not above the student." Our collective accomplishment is fully realized when each man is honored on his own merit, not necessarily the merits of others who came before, even if those before faced similar or even greater outward oppresion. One can not be held in contempt for a world that is easier for him if he did not create that world. Gratitude for those who came before us should be a natural inclination, yes, and taught to our children, but not worshipped on an altar of racial piety. Even Jesus said, "greater things than these (works i've done) shall ye do." What greater works are we expecting of the next black generation? And what are we doing to encourage them that those works will be greater than Harriet Tubman, or Booker T., or DuBois? Unless we are careful not to deify the past, the future will always be a pale comparison.

Thanks for letting me ramble.... look unto the hills....
ap